I will never be normal like you
On Monday, Jeremy has an appointment with another developmental pediatrician. I went back and forth on this for months, this decision whether or not to take him to yet another doctor. Obviously, reason won out over the part of me that was going NO! LEAVE HIM ALONE!
I used to have a sticker on my car that said 'Normal People Scare Me'. It's true. I much prefer people who are a little off, a little wacky, not quite right in the head. So why am I taking my kid to yet another doctor? Because he has to wear long sleeves? Because the vacuum sends him into screaming fits? Because his handwriting looks like some kind of alien heiroglyphics? So what, right? He's different, he's quirky, he's awesome.
But. What if he has to go back to public school one day? If Jackey loses his job or gets hurt or whatever and I end up having to get a job, that will be our only option for the kids. With the useless diagnosis we got from the last guy, Jeremy would get no services in the school...he would be labeled Difficult and A Problem, would spend hours in the principal's office, and what if he was walking down the hall when the janitor came through with that huge scary vacuum?
So. In 72 hours we'll be in the familiar lobby of the local children's center, waiting to be called back so somebody else can ask questions about my son, so I can divulge all the things he does that are simply a part of him but aren't right, so he can be observed like a lab rat so that someone can decide what exactly is wrong with him. We will come away with this either with a diagnosis that is accurate but not what I want applied to my baby, or with more Nothing and the wait for the next step which will likely be TEACCH.
I do not want to do this.
posted by April @ 2:19 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
again...i'm proud of you :) i um, i dunno if i'm making excuses not to take alex to someone, but i think i'm scared. i want to go and have them tell me he's just weird. that would be cool. :) the more i read here, the more i say yeah...wow, am i that blind? but yeah, there are certain sounds that alex has a problem with. he doesn't loose control usually...crickets. we have to close the window or he becomes obsessed with the crickets and he won't sleep. if you run your finger up & down a guitar string he cover his ears & beg you to stop. if you don't (or...if zack doesn't) he may start crying, or screaming for the sound to stop. i dunno i dunno i dunno...if there is any distracting sounds what so ever he needs to concentrate he kinda looses it...when he was in second grade, i went to back to school night, and there was stuff on display, things the children had written...alex's was written completely backwards. you could take a mirror & look at it & read it. he hadn't used a mirror, and it hadn't taken him long to write. he just did it like it was natural. so his teacher thought he was dislexic or something, she told me that's what she thought at first, but no...he was just bored with writing normal. other than that....writing backwards when forwards gets too mundane...his writing is barely legible & he gets bad grades cause the teacher won't try to decifer it. i can read it. the answers are correct. just messy. so we worked on that. the writing is getting better. so i dunno. he usually has no problem with me. i understand him. he knows i will listen no matter what...i'm usually the one that has to talk to him if he gets in trouble cause no one else can deal...or get through...so, at home he's OK....but what about when he's not? that's what bothers me. i don't want him to get in trouble cause the one in charge just doesn't know how to get through, or communicate differently...i don't want him to get hurt...i mean, his feelings. i don't want him to be sad. or like he's alone...or something. and it bothers me that he's 10 and i guess i should have done something sooner.
no...don't let that bother you, ok? sebastian is ten and we are just now getting it looked at...and i feel guilty but you know sometimes you think he'll outgrow stuff (like kids do, all the time) and then stuff, like the handwriting, isn't really an issue until they're older. (it's 3:30 a.m. and i can't sleep but i'm way tired so if i end up not making sense...yeah.) anyways...htat's how i felt with jeremy, just tell me i'm overreacting, whatever, but don't tell me he has this thing wrong with him. the thing is, if alex has something going on, and you can determine what it is, then he may be eligible for adaptive stuff at school, like being allowed to type some of his work on the computer. at the least, you'll have a tool so you can go to the teacher and say 'look bitch, THIS makes his handwriting bad' and you have something to back you up when you go over her head and make sure he is treated fairly. they wouldn't give a blind child a poor grade for handwriting, right? this is kinda the same. um...search for sensory processing disorder and see if that sounds like alex, ok? i can't think of any of the sites right now...it goes by different names, sensory integration disorder, si dysfunction...it's all the same though. also take a look at 'the out of sync child' by-hang on-carol stock kranowitz. when i read that i cried cause i knew there were other kids like jeremy out there. if you want i can send you my copy to look at. central auditory processing disorder is also something to look at, in fact i might check that out first. sebastian is being evaluated for that monday and i'll let you know how that goes. just listen to your guts, cause you're a great mom and very in touch with what your kids need. he's a lucky little boy.
yikes...i've always been terrible at talking to doctors...and their insurance kind of sucks, it's through the state cause joe's an idiot who can't keep a job, and i'm not working full time, and sal's insurance we have to be married or they have to be his kids...insurance is retarded...so until i start working (next year, thank goodness) i will get things like when alex needed to go to an allergist cause he has really bad allergies, we got a list to call & none of them used our insurance. we finally found one (sal the "fake" daddy found her, actually cause he didn't give up) and she wanted to prescribe a better med & eye drops but guess what? our insurance didn't cover it...so i guess going through that over & over has made me hesitant to try specialists....when the pediatrician said i might want to take zack to an endocrinologist i kinda cringed...he didn't end up having to go, but...the thought of him needing something and not being able to cut through all the bs to find what he needed scared me...i forgot what i was originally going to say cause i got caught up in the insurance thing :) but when i go i guess i should make a list so i don't forget things i want to say...and i'd like to meet the specialist first before i subject him to someone i don't like...think that would be possible? i don't like very many people with authority though...i wish i wasn't so difficult :) last year his school nurse wanted me to take him to an audiologist & i didn't cause of the insurance thing...i am so dumb...she said she thinks he may have a problem hearing but she wasn't sure cause sometimes he does & sometimes he doesn't and i just assumed that it had something to do with allergies cause if all that stuff builds up in your head (snott) then of course you might not hear correctly...i also don't want to deal with joe cause he's an idiot sometimes & he doesn't know them....i mean he does but he doesn't *know* them and...i do. but i'm gonna do it, i have to cause if he needs something and i thought he did but never did something about it then...well that would be bad i guess. but i'm so scared, holy crap. so...first i have to find a list of numbers, make the regular check up appointment so i can talk to his regular doctor 1st.....and make my list of things he does that make me wonder...shit...thank you for like...listening & advice & everything...
p.s. i can't sleep lately either, but i'm too tired to read or write but i can't sleep...so i lay in bed annoyed that i can't sleep...then i wake up later than i wanted & get annoyed that i slept late (9 is late)
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